second chances
by faberritana 4eva
Summary: quinn is pregnant with her second child and is scared that its fate will be the same as her first will rachal be able to help conqure her fears or will they still be there hauting her. second shot at sequel to vow of silence. future fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys here's my second attempt at the sequel to vow of silence, I know at lot of you didn't like the first attempt because I had split the girls up but this one they are together and facing a whole different challenge and I hope you like this. As always read review and enjoy. **

Rachel had just finished her late show for a Sunday and as she opened her front door and walked into the dark house, it was the first time Quinn hadn't waited up for and she was worried but as she walked in to her home that she shared with her wife Quinn, but as she walked towards the stairs she heard a sound coming from the living room and she walked towards the sound and switched on the light and found her wife curled up against the wall in the corner with her head buried in her knees.

Rachel ran up to her wife and dropped down to her wife and took her into her arms and held her tightly as Quinn's sobs had morphed into slight whimpers Quinn raised her head and Rachel saw Quinn's face for the first time that night and it took all her power not to break into her own sobs at the sight of her wife's face which was tomato red with red puffy eyes and her nose was also red from her crying her eyes out.

"Baby what's wrong?" Rachel asked her wife.

"Rachel I'm scared. What if something happens to her like it did with Sam." She said wiping away the few stray tears on her sleeve that had just fallen from the few words that she had spoken.

"Hey look at me." Rachel said lifting Quinn's chin with her fore finger and thumb so that Quinn was looking at her.

"Baby nothing is going to happen to you or our little baby girl, do you understand me?" she asked as she held Quinn's gave to convince the blonde, who just weakly nodded. Rachel then stood up and held out her hand for her pregnant wife to take and led her upstairs to their bed room.

Once the two women were changed and ready for bed they got in and Quinn's tears began to flow down her cheeks again and Rachel sat on the bed and pulled Quinn down so that the woman was laying her head on her lap.

"Baby, close your eyes." Rachel said and Quinn looked at the diva as if she had lost her head but still did what was asked of her.

"Now relax." She said running her finger through the blonde locks while her other hand was rubbing Quinn's arm and the blonde relaxed at Rachel's touch.

"Now I want you to imagine you sitting on that god awful chair of yours smiling down at the beautiful baby girl you are holding in your arms, do you see it?" Rachel asked and Quinn nodded yes and the diva smiled down at a happy looking Quinn.

"What do you see?"Rachel asked.

"What you just said but your sitting on the arm of the chair with us, one of your arms are around me and with your other arm your poking her on the nose and she's laughing at us, she looks just like you Rachel, your big brown eyes and a smile that lights up the room with chocolate colour hair tan skin with the most adorable nose in the world she's absolutely prefect just like her mamma." Quinn said and tears had started to form in Rachel's eyes at Quinn's description of their baby girl.

Rachel had always imagined their baby girl as the splitting image of Quinn she had never thought that maybe the baby would look like her even though they used Rachel's eggs to fertilize the baby the women were told that there would be a chance that the baby could be Quinn's it just made her overjoyed with happiness that Quinn thought that their baby girl would look like her instead of Quinn.

"Rachel this isn't just a dream is it? it's really going to happen isn't it were going to have a healthy baby girl and be happy right?" she asked thinking about how Carly and Max had thought something similar to this but their dream was crushed with Sam's death.

"Of course it is." Rachel answered, even though she didn't know what he future held for them she prayed every waking moment that their baby girl was going to be healthy and safe but she knew that Quinn had her doubts because the blonde had her crazy superstitions.

She had over ten large pillows at the bottom of the stairs just in case she fell the blow to her stomach wouldn't be fatal and there was the fact that every time she walked up the stairs she would have a death grip on both the stair case railing so she couldn't fall not to mention all sharp and pointy edges and corners were wrapped in bubble wrap, and then there was the spills, if Rachel every spilt anything on the floor Quinn would yell at her to clean it up before she tripped and hurt herself and the baby.

"Rach we will be a family right?" Quinn said pulling Rachel back from her thoughts.

"Yes Quinn we will but you have to stop worrying so much because that's also not very good for the baby." Rachel said knowing that Quinn probably wouldn't stop worrying now or when the baby was born and truth be told that thought scared Rachel the most because if Quinn as crazy careful now what was she going to be like when their baby girl was born.

**So was this better than painful memories let me know. As for those of you that wanted to know what happened in painful memories between Quinn and Rachel keep a lookout because I will post a flashback chapter to let you know it will probably be sometime next week. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two, Been a while since I updated I know but my sister in law passed away and I just didn't feel like writing so I took a break for a while but know I am back and hopefully updates will be normal like once a week. Thank you for being patient with me so read reviews and of course enjoy as always.**

It had been three weeks since Quinn had her break down and she seemed fine after that and Rachel hoped that it was a good sign and Rachel had taken time off her show to be with Quinn as any day now her and Quinn's baby girl would be born in to this world and she couldn't wait to hold her baby girl in her arms.

Quinn was more scared than before because around this time in her previous pregnancy with Samantha she had lost her and that experience had broken her so much that it was a miracle that she survived and recovered, but she knew that her over protective nature towards her unborn daughter was starting to effecting Rachel and that was the last thing Quinn wanted to do was make Rachel nervous or scare her wife so she toned down her crazy for Rachel's sake but inside Quinn was freaking out more than normal.

Rachel knew Quinn was breaking from the inside and at any and every moment she could she would try and reassure her wife but all her words and actions were for nothing as Quinn would pretend like there was nothing was wrong with a fake smile across her lips but Rachel knew each and every trait of her wife so she knew that Quinn was hiding her pain, fears and her insecurities from Rachel and soon it would all get to much and erupt and when Quinn's emotions did explode it would end badly for both of them.

The two woman lay on their bed watching reruns of friends episodes, Rachel was flat on her back with Quinn's head on her head chest when all of a sudden Quinn screamed out in pain and clutched on to her stomach for dear life as Rachel shot out of the bed and was by Quinn's side with in a millisecond.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Rachel asked scared out of her wits.

"My... My stomach Rachel it hurts so badly." Quinn stated as she held her stomach with both her arms wrapped around her unborn child in her stomach. Rachel instantly called an ambulance which was at there home within a matter of minutes.

Quinn was in the ambulance with the pain still intensifying in her stomach, Rachel was by her side holding on to her hand and telling her that everything was going to be fine but her voice was filled with fear and uncertainty.

They were in hospital in a few minutes and Quinn was whisked off, in that moment everything stopped for the diva, the press that were out side the hospital waiting for info about her wife about her wife, nor did she notice the nurses bustling around her the sound of the people around her, all she heard was her heart breaking at the thought of her losing her baby girl or her wife and she sat praying with all her heart and soul that both of them were okay and that her baby was fine because if she wasn't it would kill her Quinn and destroy her and soon she was being leaded to a secluded area of the hospital so she would be away from the pres and fans.

The same doctor that whisked her wife away walked through the doors with a pitying look at the diva and that instant Rachel knew that something was wrong and that she may have already lost one of the two if not both of the most important people in her life.

"Mrs Berry I have some bad news." He said as he looked at her already broken features. That instant Rachel knew she had lost one of the two if not both of them but her internal prayers never stopped.

"There are some complications with your wife and the baby and from what we can tell is that due to the stress your wife has been in through out her pregnancy they are the cause to her complications and we can only save either your wife or your daughter if we can save the baby then we will most probably lose your wife and if we save your wife then we may not be able to save the baby." He said taking Rachel's silence to continue.

"But I do have to tell you is that if we do save your wife there is 99% chance that she won't be able to ever get pregnant again." He said knowing that he needed to explain everything to the diva before she made her decision

"We need you to make a choice?" he asked and Rachel just fell to the ground from the pain that was shooting through her body of making a choice like this she couldn't do this.

"I'm sorry and I know that it is hard decision and we will give you some time to think about your choice as we prep your wife for surgery." He said as she helped the broken Broadway star into a chair and then walked away from her to give her a few minutes to think about the life alternating decision.

As Rachel watched the doctor walk away she thought about her choices, on one hand if she choose to save Quinn there was a likely chance that Quinn would hate her and herself so much that it could result in them splitting or even worse Quinn could or would try and take her life like she did when Sam died, on the other hand was if she choose to save her daughter she may end up hating the little girl because she was the reason Quinn's life was taken from her. Either way Rachel was in no state to make this choice so she called up Judy and asked her opinion but the blondes mother was no help either claiming she could never choose because whichever way they choose would result in losing a loved ones life and just couldn't make that choice she then called Justine to ask her opinion on what to do but still came to a dead end.

She then called up the next two people that could possibly help her make the right choice if there was one but her fathers were no help claiming that this was Rachel's decision and that what ever choice she made they would support it and help in any way that they could.

She sat in the waiting room trying to make a choice but her mind and heart kept changing, each time her mind was set on one choice her heart would reason that it was the wrong choice, so when she heard the doors opening again and that the doctor had come for her answer.

"Mrs Berry, have you made your choice?" he asked sadly.

"I can't ... I can't do it." She said through sobs.

"Mrs Berry I'm afraid that if you don't make a decision right now you will lose both your wife and child." He said not wanting to waste any more time.

Rachel closed her eyes and cleared her mind and said the person that her heart wanted to save. She gripped the sides of her chair as she watched the doctor leave once again and she prayed that the choice that she just made was the right choice and that everything would be okay.

**So what do you think? Who does Rachel save? And what did you guys think of the fic so far? Is it any good? Or is it rubbish? Let me know your thoughts. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three, thank you for the feed back. This fic is not as long as vow of silence so there will probably be like six to seven chapters long so there's only three to for chapters left. Read, review and of course enjoy. **

She sat in the room that the nurse had brought her to, she sat there waiting to hear any news about her wife and/or daughter, then the door to the room opened and revealed Quinn's older sister Justine who just ran to the crying diva and took her in her arms and held her tightly.

"Why is this happening to us? We were supposed to be happy? Why does god hate us?" she asked the older blonde that was almost as identical her wife.

"I don't know Rach I really don't know but god doesn't hate you. He's just testing you and when you pass this test he will give you both a lot more. " Was all Justine could say before she also started to sob her eyes out as well. The two women sat in the room crying and both praying that everything would be okay, again the doors opened to reveal both of Rachel's fathers and Judy walking in and taking the diva in their arms.

The five of them sat in the waiting room for the doctor to arrive and tell what was going on, each and every member in that room other than Rachel wanted to know who the diva choose to save but each one of them were scared to ask the devastated diva.

The doctor soon came back from behind the doors he had left recently, his scrubs covered in blood and his face showing no sign of emotion as he called the diva to him so the two of them could speak in private, the other four people in the room watched a the two of them spoke to each other in a hushed tone.

Once the man left a smile eloped onto the woman's face and run up to them jumping into her daddy's arms smiling like a fool.

"What happened?" it was her dad that asked the question.

"What did he say?" asked Judy curiously.

"They both fine, Quinn and our baby girl they both survived the operation and that Quinn would wake soon and that I could go see her I still have my wife and baby we can be a family." She said giddily and only laughed when she felt three more pairs of around her; they all pulled out of the hug with genuine smile and happiness plastered across their faces.

Soon Rachel was being led to Quinn's room and as soon she got to the door she saw her beautiful wife asleep on the hospital bed, she walked into the room as quietly as possible, she sat at the edge of Quinn's bed and watched the blonde beauty in her sleep she took Quinn's hand in her own and lightly bought it to her lips giving the inside of Quinn's palm a kiss.

She sat there staring at the blonde in awe as she thought about if Quinn was to ever find out that Rachel was willing to sacrifice their daughter's life for Quinn's life she would freak out, but the choice was always obvious for Rachel because there was no Rachel without Quinn so if Quinn was to die Rachel would die with her, their daughter was special but she would never compare to Quinn and even though it was a horrible thing to say but there was no real competition between the two.

Quinn began to stir a short while after Rachel had been in the room and as she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was her wife smiling down at her, she smile a small smile back at the Broadway starlet before worry and pain showed upon her features as she remembered the reason why she was in the hospital.

"The baby Rachel, where my baby?" she asked affrightedly.

"Quinn relax the baby is fine she just in baby unit, your both fine." Rachel quickly replied not wanting to cause the blonde any worry or stress. Quinn seemed to have calmed after hearing Rachel tell her he baby was okay but she was still curious as to why and how all this happened but for now she was content in the fact of knowing her daughter was alive.

The next morning their little baby girl was bought to them even though she was so small sue to the fact that she was a miracle child because she fought against all odds and stayed alive to be with her mothers. The little girl was barely the size of Quinn's hand but that didn't matter as long as she was alive.

Four more nights in the hospital and Quinn and little Nasya (meaning miracle of god.-Naya for short) were going back home, Justine had called her husband and asked him to come down and bring her two kids to meet their new cousin sister Judy and both of Rachel's father also decided to stay for a little while before going back to lima.

The rest of the week was the most amazing week the two women had ever had, everyone was cooing over their daughter, the little girl was being spoiled rotten to the core, little Naya was only a few days old but she was the most spoiled little girl I the world, Judy had gone crazy and pretty much bought a whole store of baby clothes for her granddaughter, the two Berry men went crazy with accessories (e.g. baby bassinets, cribs, prams and car seats) each item was even more extravagant than the one before and Justine, her husband and kids bought her so much toys there was no space to put them all.

The two of them were on their own with their little girl everyone else had gone back home, during the whole time that everyone was doting over little Naya, Rachel never saw Quinn once picking up their daughter or even look at the girl.

There was something wrong with Quinn and Rachel knew it because the blonde was avoiding the little girl she would use any excuse to get out of the same room as the girl, Quinn would steer clear of any conversation that was about Naya. Quinn was pulling herself away from their daughter and Rachel was determined to know why.

**I bet you weren't expecting that were you, I don't know much about medicine so I don't know if that really happens but let's just pretend for this fic. So what did you think is wrong with Quinn? Let me know what you think. flash back chapter to painful memories for those of you that asked for it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four, sorry again that this is so late but I just moved cities and I didn't really have time to write but I want to have this fic finished by the end of the week so there will defiantly be more chapters this week. Thank you to everyone who reads reviews alerts and favourites this fic coz it means so much that you guys are liking it. Read and review and as always enjoy.**

Two AM the night after Rachel's fathers and Quinn's mom and sister's family had left and little Naya was crying, Rachel was woken up to the sound of her daughter crying, she instantly shot out of the bed and ran up to her daughter and picked up her baby girl up.

Rachel fed, changed and sang little Naya to sleep and then returned to her and Quinn's bed, she flopped down on to the mattress face first, she stayed that way for a few minutes before turning and laying on her back, she was looking at the ceiling.

She lay there in the bed wondering her wife would speak up and why the blonde laying in their bed was pretending to be a sleep whilst their baby girl was crying, she lay there wondering what had gotten in to her wife, because ever since Sam passed away and the two had gotten married Quinn was ecstatic about having a family so why was Quinn pushing their innocent daughter away.

The next day Rachel walked into the kitchen to find her wife in front of the stove cooking pancakes, Rachel stood behind the blonde and put her arms around her wife's stomach and put her chin on her shoulders.

"Hi baby." Rachel said as she kissed Quinn on the neck.

"Hey you." Quinn mumbled back enjoying the feeling of Rachel's lips on her neck, the blonde turned around and moved her head to the side letting Rachel continue her assault on her neck soon Quinn had her hands buried in Rachel's hair and Rachel's hands were inside Quinn's night shirt playing with her breasts.

The women were forced to stop their actions towards each other and Rachel looked at her blonde wife to see what Quinn's reaction was and was not happy with what she saw, Quinn's face became expressionless and her body went from relaxed and calm to stiff and hard.

"Rach could you go check on her I am just going to finish up in here." Quinn said turning her back to the diva and facing the stove and picking up the cooking utensils. Rachel let out a small sigh and walked t=out of the room and towards the sound of her daughter crying.

She picked up her baby girl shushing her and holding the small angel, but her mind was on the woman that gave birth to this sweet angel, how could Quinn not want to hold their baby or even look or talk about her after everything she went through during the pregnancy, the blonde was bordering insanity when it came to her baby's health during pregnancy yet now she was avoiding her like the plague.

During the whole day Rachel tried and tried to get the blonde to talk or look at the baby but Quinn was to busy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry or bathing, things were getting out of hand and if Rachel didn't act soon everything could if not would get way out of control and Rachel feared that Quinn could even go as far as running away from her and their baby and that was something she was going to risk tomorrow she was going to force Quinn to spend time with their baby even if it caused a few problems in their relationship.

That night Rachel didn't get a second of sleep as she thought of every possible excuse in the book Quinn could or would use to try and get out of looking after their baby girl. She had everything planned out to the bone and would execute her plan tomorrow afternoon. As soon as she had everything planned out in her mind for Quinn to spend time with her baby girl said baby girl began to cry letting her Mama know it was time for her nightly feed, Rachel smiled and jumped out of bed knowing full well that Quinn was awake but was pretending to be sleep just like last night and the nights before.

She feed her baby and jumped into bed and could sense that her wife was still awake; Rachel wanted to ask Quinn why she was pretending to be asleep? Why she couldn't look or speak about their daughter? And most importantly why she acted like the little girl doesn't exist? But she just placed her head on her blonde wife's shoulder and closed her eyes and listen to Quinn's heartbeat and try and get some sleep because tomorrow was going to be a hard day which could result in Rachel pushing Quinn further away or it could help them become a proper family just like they had been planned for so long.

The following morning Rachel felt nervous and scared and even though as the time for her plan was coming she thought about just abandoning it fully and just talking to the blonde but then decided that she had already tried and Quinn always denied everything Rachel accused her off.

"Quinn I just got a call from the theatre and they need me their for a while so your going to be alone with Naya for a little while okay." Rachel said to the blonde who was watching TV whilst Naya was a sleep.

"Why can't we both just come with you?" Quinn asked with a hopeful expression hoping Rachel would say yes so she wouldn't be alone with the baby.

"Because it's cold out and Naya is still unwell form the birth and plus it's kind of noisy at the theatre so she won't be able to sleep and I don't want her in that kind of environment yet." Rachel answered knowing that Quinn was going to ask that question to try and get out of being alone with their baby girl.

"I'll be quick, just an hour or so promise." Rachel said as she saw the horror and fear planned across Quinn's face. Quinn just nodded and hoped that Rachel would be back before Naya woke up so that she could avoid her baby.

Rachel smiled and walked out leaving Quinn and little Naya together on their own for the first time, Rachel didn't have to actually go to the theatre so she just went to her favourite coffee shop and spent and hour and a half their.

When Rachel came home and opened the door to her and Quinn's home to the sound of not but two different people crying she first ran to her daughter and picked her up quieting the crying infant before walking to her sobbing wife.

"What happened?" Rachel asked the still crying Quinn.

**So what do you think is going on with Quinn that she can't be near her baby girl? Let me know and tell me what you guys would like to see coz only two or three chapters left.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five as promised within forty eight hours, thank you to everyone who reads reviews and fav/alerts this fic means so much to me. Read, review and as always enjoy.**

"She wouldn't stop crying, I tried but she wouldn't stop I begged her to stop but she just got loader, and I didn't know what to do." Quinn said as she tried to stop her own sobs.

"Did you pick her up?" Rachel asked knowing full well that Quinn hadn't even tried picking up their baby girl. Rachel fed and changed little Naya and put her in to her rocker then placed the rocker on the floor besides the couch where she sat down next to her wife, who had watched Rachel expertly handle their daughter.

"Quinn, what's going on?" Rachel asked in a calm voice even though she was mad and scared as hell and wanting top freak out at her wife. Quinn just sat there looking down at her hands ashamed of what had happened and also afraid of what Rachel would do when/if she ever found out.

"Baby, what ever it is you can tell me, I just want to help and I can't do that if I don't know the problem." Rachel said seeing the fear on Quinn's face; she took both of Quinn's hands in hers and bought them to her lips kissing the pale knuckles.

"I'mscaredimagoingtohurther." Quinn mumbled so quietly that Rachel had to strain her ears to hear the sounds coming from the blonde's mouth.

"What did you say baby, speak loader and clearer." Rachel said not understanding the mumbles that left Quinn's mouth.

"I'm scared I'm going to hurt her." Said still looking down afraid of the reaction Rachel was going to have once she heard the words.

"why." Rachel asked not understanding the blonde.

"Because she almost died Rachel and it was my fault and if I be near her she might get hurt and I don't want that to happen." Quinn said looking Rachel straight in the eyes.

"Quinn baby what happened wasn't your fault." Rachel said holding Quinn's gaze.

"It was Rachel I killed Sam and I nearly killed Naya I am not suppose to have kids they just get hurt around me so I can't let her get hurt." Quinn said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Quinn do you think our little baby girl could live without her mom love? No right, she can't so please don't deny her of your amazing love shower her with all the love I know you have for her." Rachel said trying to get Quinn to connect with her maternal side.

"Rach, what if something happens to her and it's all my fault I would hate myself you saw how bad I was when Sam died and I dint think I could handle it if something happens to Naya." Quinn said fearfully.

"Listen to me, hey look at me." Rachel says as she lifts Quinn's chin up so that Quinn was looking directly into Rachel's eyes.

"If something does happen god forbid, do you want to have the guilt of never holding her or showing her how much she means to you." Rachel said honestly. Quinn just looked at Rachel seeing the hope and trust she was holding in her eyes.

"I want to but I'm still scared." Quinn admitted to her wife.

"Okay how about we take baby steps?" Rachel asked and Quinn looked at Rachel with curiosity and a raised eyebrow.

"What kind of baby steps?" Quinn asked.

"Like holding her or just watching Naya sleep or even if you just tried drawing a portrait of her whilst she was awake and playing." Rachel said and Quinn's eyes seemed to have lightened up to the notion of her drawing a picture of her baby girl.

"How about if you're picking her up playing with her and I draw the two of you?" Quinn asked with a gleam in her eyes.

"Ok but then there has to be one with you playing with her." Rachel said knowing that she had gotten Quinn's attention and hoping that this exercise would help Quinn bond with Naya.

"And hen of one with Naya on her own sleeping or playing." Rachel said and Quinn just k=nodded already thinking about drawing a picture of the two most important people in her life.

A few seconds later Quinn ran up the stairs and returned with a large sketch pad and pencils and paints. She instructed Rachel to pick up the little girl and make her laugh, soon Quinn was so interested in her picture that she didn't even realise that she had gone and taken Naya in her arms so that she could get a better angle to paint her in and all Rachel could do was smile the brightest smile known to man or woman.

Rachel watched as Quinn smiled and laughed as she drew Naya and herself, Quinn was happy and comfortable being around Naya. During the whole evening Quinn spent it watching every single trait of Naya and putting it on to paper.

During the whole time Rachel watched Quinn with glee, Quinn was getting use to being around her daughter and was loving ever second of it, but she was also worried about how it was going to be like when Quinn didn't have a pencil or paint brush in her hands to distract her from her fears.


End file.
